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from: The Cunt of
Monte Crisco
10/27/01-2:55:27 AM-205.188.200.31
I filter em through for a discernin gash. No hag gets to hop-on-pop without my scrutiny if they wanna love for very long. From clit to 'taint' I cast about for a flaw or blemish. So far, they're ALL fucked up.
Some look like sideways skin-tacos and some like a pile of sliced ham, and some are hairy with big fat lips or moundy with uneven labia that look like MicK Jagger's lips after he's been playing the tuba all night (or more likely, some activity within Mug's realm of expertise), and sometimes they got a great big old whoopie-button that sits up all nice and proud, but most of the time they got dinky little fuckers you gotta prod around in there with a salad fork to find. Of course, once the visual exam is done I convince them that a good scrub with rubbing alcohol and a Brillo pad is "foreplay" before I introduce the meat-missle (and by then who cares? If you close your eyes and hump real fast you can't tell the difference between a skinny runway model and, say, an 18-year-old Puerto Rican Cabana boy, but I leave that particular experiment to my "alternative lifestyle" counterpart). In the meantime, I'll be wearing latex gloves, down on my knees in front of an off-duty K-Mart checkout girl with her knees pulled up to her tits, holding a mag-lite in my mouth and rooting around in her fleshy, sodden vestibule with a speculum and a can of Raid.
You fucking queers have it easy. You can just wipe your dicks on the curtains, pop an Altoid into your gob and you're off to the races, and five minutes later you're back in front of the big-screen in the sports bar watching football players beat the shit out of each other, while we straights are still fucking around trying to make the bitch cum (which usually takes about as long as cooking a 12-lb. turkey), just so we can get our nut and get back to the game for the fourth quarter. It just ain't fair.
ANTI POPEYE X FAN CLUB
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