As I Lay In Squalor

As I Lay In Squalor

from: piglet
ppp-69-154-243-100.dsl.snantx.swbell.net

As I lay in squalor, surrounded by toys, up to my neck in all the things I ever wanted, I realize how lucky I am, and I'm kind of ashamed at all the complaining I've done. I've got it pretty good, even though my cat vomited tuna fish all over a computer keyboard. I have a rather large bag of weed, and I scraped together a nice 5:30 am bump, something to hold me over until I wake up. I spent my whole day bitching yesterday, I said some pretty hurtful things, especially to Claude Morgan. I told him to print it up and show everybody, it said: "I HATE that motherfucking lying Christian asshole."

I'm not ashamed of myself one bit, I'm proud. You know why? Because the motherfucker won't take a stand against the people I REALLY HATE, I guess its in the name of Jesus, whatever. It doesn't matter to me, you're either with me, or you're against me. I don't accept any middle ground. (wiping tears) See those tears? I can conjure those up anytime I want, a whole bucket load of them, on command. An actor would love to have my powers of being able to cry at any moment. Where did I get this power? It was given to me. All I have to do is think of the word, "Babycat", and here they come. And they keep coming.

All day long I hear advice from friends and loved ones, telling me to be more positive, to move on, etc. etc. Then there's my hardcore friends who know me better than that. They bring up the shit, and I jump right in as they laugh wickedly. They know I'm not ready for PEACE and LOVE. I"m still at the stage where raw, unbridled hate and daily conflict FEELS GOOD.

I'm a human being. I have issues pounding in my chest everyday, all day long. I would advise you not to fuck with me. Whatever you do, don't do anything that resembles lying to me, or cheating me, or stealing something from me. You might get a reaction you won't like. You can think bad of me, go ahead, if that's how you feel, I WANT you to. Make my day, in fact, make my motherfucking day.

Being hated is part of the squalor of my existence. There are those who actually love me. That probably sounds strange to most people, but I know its true, I see them putting up with me every day, helping me, guiding me. Those are the people I care about, because they care about me. If you are one of those people, and you know who you are, I just want you to know I appreciate your consideration. It means everything to me.

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