this is about the woman
I let slip thru my fingers

from: popeye-x, the biggest fool that never hit the big time

infomania

I just stumbled across this post, it was pasted in verbatim by me from an email sent from Carole Gumm,(the one after DD), its on board #5, entitled:

everyone has something to say, they just need someone who will really listen... by Carole as told to popeye-x 11/22/01

I had completely forgotten about it until I re-read it just now. All I can say is it is a shining example of what I call SMART, and it is articulated so well I'm kind of in shock. This is the one who got away. The part about "someone who will really listen" is kicking my  ass the moment. How could I let her go? If I were looking for a fine piece of pussy, I can't even conceive of anyone I'd rather be with than Carole, someone better for me is probably out there somewhere, but I haven't met her yet. Carole moved out almost 10 years ago, she used to live here with her son, Jay. We had some pretty good times considering her family never helped us out at all, including Jay's dad. That really sucks now that I think about it. Perhaps that was the part of the problem? It certainly wasn't fair to Jay at all. In case you're wondering, Jay LOVED living with me, mainly because he got to hang with Paul next door. He's the kid who turned me on to Dimebag Darrell, he made a cassette of Pantera for me. Cool? I certainly think so.

I guess everyone knew, or hoped, it probably wouldn't work out for me and Carole, but we didn't know that, not for sure. It was worth trying out, because if it had succeeded, it would have been a remarkable achievement on my part. My brother was knocked out when he met her over at my mom's house. She was WAY too good for me, there's no comparison. Anyone will confirm that happy fact. I never have understood what she saw in me, except maybe it was music, it makes  sense in that respect. We were both certified lunatics, so there was no problem there at all.

It blew my mind when I found out how well she could sing, which is as good as ANYBODY you'd care to mention, including Celine Dion, or any other singer on that level. You know, SCARY good. Most people don't know what Carole is capable of, its only because she never showed them. She kind of got eclipsed by Morgan, which was stupid, since it served no purpose at all. We didn't know then what we know now.

But it gets worse. This girl not only has a voice but she can create a perfect melody for it to sing, AND write a perfect lyric to go with it. When it comes to melodies and matching lyrics, I have an insanely critical standard for my definition of the term, "perfect". I don't hear perfection very often, I certainly can't pull it off to my own satisfaction, not every time, to be brutally honest, hardly ever. I've done it enough to recognize it when I hear it.

There is no shame if a musician has never  created a perfect song, That's what they call it a "songwriter", it is not an easy thing to achieve, not even close to easy. I've done it a few times, and I've seen Claude Morgan do it dozens of times. I've also seen the ego trip of it ruin at least two "hot" bands, which is quite tragic, I assure you. A singer is not a songwriter, and a songwriter is not a band, although those things can overlap. They are discrete parts of a functioning whole. It is not uncommon for a musician to wear several hats at once, but any attempt to wear ALL the hats, ALL the time, only results in 'system failure due to excessive pig headed behavior'. Perhaps you've had giant  chunks of your WORK wasted FOR YOU by one of these idiots? Its always for no gain whatsoever, just the so-called "star's ego". More often than not, its a devastating loss, across the board, (pun intended) for everybody.

Can you say "Claude Morgan"? Well, now you need to learn to say "Butch Morgan" with a 'Jesus' thrown in here and there. It means "the same old selfish pigheaded bullshit," and you can quote me on that.

Carole used to be the live mixer for the Blast, that's how I met her. She doesn't like me to describe her as "Robar's first wife", but that's who I am referring to. I never thought very much of her live mixing, but that's not really her calling, she was ok for what she had to work with. I did like her dedication a lot, and I always thought she was excellent to have with the band. She was very "rock'n'roll", a quality any band likes to have in abundance, especially her variety. She would be welcome in any band, or studio for that matter. She's really technically smart, especially for a girl, (a very FINE girl), know what I'm sayin'?

Carole's ability to CREATE a truly good original song, and then SING it beautifully, is what really blew my mind. You just don't expect it.

The same was true of Claude Morgan, but please understand, I played in the Blast for several years before I really snapped to what the adience knew all along.  Morgan was one of those prolific type songwriters, almost always ON, like Bob Dylan or Elvis Costello, they are a freak of nature.

My favorite composer is probably Frank Zappa, he wrote many "perfect" songs, but not every composition was intended to be that. Frank was really good at writing "horrible" songs, you know, a song that's so bad, it makes you weak in the knee. Its so sick, its actually genius. I've done that a few times, all it takes is enough nerve to laugh at yourself. The melody of the Zappa classic, "When The Lie Is So Big" makes me deranged when I hear it. Its so lame, and so horky-dork, and so appropriate for the subject matter, the end result qualifies it as a "perfect" song, in my view.

So, there are patadoxical forces at work when trying to describe levels of perfection in songwriting, my whole point being, I used to live with a really hot female singer, who not only loved me to the point of insaity, but she could create music.

Now I read this email she sent me about two months after 911, and I can't say I find fault with anything she says in it. It sounds to me like she's articulating the same things monde is always telling me, it is a message I have always agreed with, but it has to be said a certain way before I will concede 100%.

I am a FIRM believer in war, in fact, that's all I believe in, but war has a peace side to it. It has to, or else its way more than wrong. but still perferable to peace with no war side to it. See what i'm saying?

Carole's ability to reach out and grasp the abstract, and then render it as an analogy that proves her point is simply amazing to me. And there is real science mixed in there, as well as a depth of insight from a spiritual point of view. Her desire to travel all around the globe and sing for people, while trying to learn about the people she's singing for is truly inspiring to me. That's the only kind of person I could ever follow, otherwise, I think I'm better off staying where I'm at, and trying to get better at doing what I was obviously put here to do.

It occurs to me what a COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME AND RESOURCES these Coxsucking bastards are. That's ok, they are going to pay, and pay DEARLY. If Carole had any idea about Taylor's and Cureton's complicity in what happened to Buddy and Babycat, I swear to God, I'd be preoccupied FULL TIME just making sure she didn't kill them with her bare hands.

There are some things you don't tell your loved ones, because it would hurt them so bad to know about it, unless its absolutely necessary, you keep it quiet. Needless to say, she would take a very dim view of Cox, especially in the light of how she knows him, which is a total illusion. I hope she doesn't find out about Buddy and Babycat until AFTER Bob Cox's ass hits the concrete for the murder of Ron Travis. I wouldn't want to see her involved in as much hate as I am up to my neck in at the moment. Its bad enough that I have to go thru it, I don't mind at all, I'd do it 1000 times again if necessary, I have no choice.

I found that pic of me and Babycat (see the top of this page) last night about 3 am, I haven't been able to see worth a shit since then, my eyes are too full of dripping salt water.