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030409 PPX News Network: popeye-x wanders the lonely corridors of the after-hours world of NOBODY IS AWAKE EXCEPT The Cyber Celery Stalker... doomed to roam the emptiness that is Yahoo Messenger when there is no mischievous munkies to be found PPX News Network: The Celery Stalker laments that he must again forego the moment by moment thrills of Back And Forth Repartee... alas, even though he feels the incessant lure of his relentless chat chix addiction, CS will face the slings and arrows of outrageous employment, knowing that someday, when the shit dies back down, Celery Stalker will undergo a cathartic rudabaganing (a rude awakening involving a catheter greased with 100% polyunsanitary vegetable oil, like the stuff used by UK forces to lubricate special aluminum tubes used to propel loo rolls of IZAL across enemy lines) and finally reappear, weary but slightly richer, and ready to chat his last remaining brain cell into cerebral prawn crisps PPX News Network: Prime Minister Tony Bleach met with the Iraqi Minister Of Information in downtown Gladbag, it seems members of the elite British unit, The Rat Petrol, sound a handful of what is believed to be human entrails hanging off the turret of their Amphibious IZAL Launcher PPX News Network: it is not known for sure if the entrails are the last remaining gob of Saddam Husseins pancreas, or merely what was left of Chemical Ali's diseased prostate gland PPX News Network: chlorine bleach tests revealed later that the mysterious "Gladbag gob" was not entrails at all, but rather a UK Marine's serious case of the prebattle shits prior to the Bunker Buster Raid on the Mustard Gas Mayonnaise Squirts Sewage Plant in downtown Bat's Ass PPX News Network: later tests however refuted Euro Union claims that any blobs of entrails found splattered on the French Embassy were sole property of the D-Gall Bladder Bile Pumping Company and not necessarily the fault of the Hardliner Pacifist Colonic Assault Unit, know for their espirit de corps and unabashed butt crack "FRENCHING" at the Arc Of Dryhump and the Tomb Of The Unblown Sodomizer PPX News Network: The French Minister Of Unforgivable Cowardice laid a wreath at the Holocaust Denial Monument commemorating the 53rd Congress' bold resolution passed at the last minute before midnight, this "new century" legislation mandated immediate deployment of the Elite Scared Shitless Diarrhea Squirts Unit, known for their breathtaking enema bag parade corps gas release festival held in honor of all the French Patriots who backed the Oui Oui Le Grande Nazi Government before Germany crossed the Polish border PPX News Network: Also known as "Le Chickenshits", these crack French paratroopers watched the Iraqi war on CNN, and seeing the coast was clear, offered to take charge of the battlefield and run the Iraqi Marshall Law websites using state of the art technology downloaded from Yugoslavian IRC porn Web Clusters PPX News Network: US president George Wanker Bush praised the French for their courageous abandonment of South Vietnam, and gave them full credit for the necessity that America be sucked into its most humiliating defeat until the Pentagon was hit by a massive OMG Colon Buster IZAL Ordinance dropped from the Eiffel tower by radical antiwar yellowbellies from the People Republic Of Skunk Bladder Emirates PPX News Network: it is not known for sure if the hideous "brown steak" running along the floor of the Presidential Poophouse is the result of President Hussein dropping a premature load, or if one of his sons simply shit his overalls so hard at the first bomb blast, the resulting over spray dotted the palatial splendor of the Gladbag Sewage Blimp that exploded in Chemical Ali's long underwear PPX News Network: looter were seen picking thru Cabinet Minister entrails, sifting out cufflinks and cockrings bearing the insignia of The Elite Republican Gutwagon, two golden buzzards exchanging vomit in the embrace of a traditional Islamic fornication lip lock PPX News Network: well, that's the PPX News Network Report for April 9, 2003 PPX News will not be held liable if it turns out tomorrow that every news story reported today was completely wrong. PPX News is not responsible for any inconvenience this may have caused. |
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