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I've been living like a dog, in $5 spurts, and those were borrowed spurts, waiting for my blank checkbook to arrive in the mail. I got a FAT ACCOUNT, but I can't lay my hands on a dime, because my ID is 4 years expired, and I can't prove to the other people that I'm really ME, and its pissing ME off. |
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So, in the middle of this monetary hell, I'm suddenly face-to-face with ex-wife #1, who I haven't seen but 4 times in the past 25 years. She has caught wind of my FAT ACCOUNT, and its economic GIRTH is giving her all kinds of CRAZY notions like: |
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"Lend me the money to fix my teeth!" |
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"Fix your teeth? (making fist) I'll fix your teeth, alright, and it won't cost you a dime, except for the price of the Melba toast and Jello you'll be eating from now on." |
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"Why not?
I thought you liked |
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You thought I "liked the guy who messed them up?" And I don't want him to have that black mark against his name, so I'm going to pay to fix what could have been avoided by you merely shutting up? Not in your wildest dreams. If I fix your teeth NOW, then ALL that time we spent broken up will be for nothing! Think of ALL the times you stubbornly persevered with your evil bitch bullshit, now you wanna turn around, and nullify all that hard fought, but diligently earned, domestic-squabble dental rearrangement. Why, I think I'd rather have my own teeth busted off one-by-one, with a small, brass ball-peen hammer, than spend one red penny on your raging hole. |
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What about the cause of this
calamity? |
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If your teeth weren't located so close to the source of trouble, maybe they wouldn't be folding in 4 directions, trying to lay back along the lines of fisticular demarcation. |
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OK, let's say we fix your teeth. Nobody has enough cash to restore that frown-trodden face. I ain't throwing good money after bad, no way. However, I will be glad to pop for a Vocal Cord Snipping, that way you might hang on to the choppers you still got. |
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