Part 1- Man, I’m not kidding, man, HELTER SKELTER is coming down, man, its like, all the violence at the campus is like, a big drag, man! Fucking Pigs & Clinton coming down on our brothers. I think they shot down or beat up about 17 of us, now. YEAH! JESUS CHRIST was the first nonviolent revolutionary! Look what the PIGS did to Him! It’s JUST LIKE what happened to me, man, down at the campus riots this weekend!
Like, me & this chick, SUNSHINE, went up to a police
riot-line, and we stuck flowers on their riot-shields and told them throw away their guns.
Then, SUNSHINE happened to mention that they were "FUCKING SHITEATING PIGS IN LEATHER
DRAG" and, Guess What Happened? Without any warning, they started beating the shit
out of my brothers, & my sisters... & ME!
Well, we all had to split, and,
like, even though we got trampled and beaten, we still went to the big protest love-in the
next day. It was a big happening down by the ROTC weapons building. We still had headaches
& mace burns from the day before, but, SO WHAT?, cuz like, the true revolutionary
doesn’t mind suffering for the cause, and besides, that was THE thing to do on campus
that week.
Man, get this, man... the fucking Dean got Clinton to send out the National Guard, so a platoon of GI’s with rifles & fixed bayonets were guarding the ROTC weapons building. Like, they got the guns, but we got the numbers, so a bunch of us students charged the line of rifles, yelling and shooting the finger on high with one hand, and throwing bricks & Molotov cocktails with the other...
AND ONE OF THOSE LOUSY PIGS SHOT ME!
Gaaa, it’s not fair! Can’t do nothin’ around here!!!
That’s it, man! Fuck the anthropology term paper!
I’m Movin’ to Colorado...
‘til the Holocaust blows over.
Part 2- I ain’t taking this... GAAA, can’t
do nothing around here! Man, I’m movin’ to the mountains to grow my
own pot and just live, man, WITH NO PIGS RUNNING MY LIFE! I’ll just get me some seeds
& some hogs and live off the land for free! Haven’t these FASCIST PIGS ever heard
of the Constitution? LIFE, LIBERTY, & THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS! That
means, WHAT I LIKE TO DO. For instance: Get high on free pot 24hrs a day,
whenever I want to, or all the time, it’s UP TO ME, I Know My Rights, but POSSESSION
is still 9/10ths of the law!
That’s it! I’m Movin’ to
Colorado! And any pigs or cops or soldiers I see settin’ foot on my land
had better be ready to tangle with a top notch, jungle commando squad, consisting of ME,
my friend Junior, who’s got his dad’s BMW motorcycle w/ sidecar, and his cousin
Jake, who stole a bunch of hand grenades from the MP’s when he was AWOL in Desert
Storm. We got squatter’s rights, so, don’t fuck with us unless you’re ready
to buy the farm... as in kick the ol’ bucket, pal... cuz me, & Jake, & Jr.
don’t waste time with street fighting, or karate, or kung-fu, or wrestling... fuck
that, we will FUCKING KILL YOU, man! Like, I, personally wouldn’t have a direct hand
in it cuz I’m like, the brains of the unit, but Jr. & Jake used to commit atrocities on Iraquis in Desert Storm FOR KICKS, MAN! Just cuz they
were drunk and pissed off at the MP’s!
1999 UPDATE!!!
Part 3- Aw, MAN! Gaaaaaa-leeee! Can't do nothing around here!
We finally got off our asses and moved to Colorado. Me and the boys started a really
bitchin' TRENCHCOAT STORE, and look what happens! Campus violence is ruining everything,
and now the Colorado thing is ruined, too!!! We tried selling our leftover inventory out
of a van, hitting the various high schools in the area. Don't ya just know it? We got
busted by the Denver SWAT! We pulled up to a roadblock, and jumped out wearing our new
line, and those trigger happy swine had the gall to shoot our vehicle full of lead! 700
trenchcoats full of bullet holes. That does it! I'm getting a website! I'm tired of pigs
blasting my ass every time I turn around! They're not just messin' with your average
retail outlet, we're like the MAFIA, man! Wait until we get that URL, cuz then, the ATF
can just log on and kiss our asses! That T stands for "tobacco", not
"trenchcoats", Bubba!
