The bachelor life has its advantages.
You can eat whenever you want.
You can swig milk directly from the jug.
You can eat ice cream directly
from the carton using a sharp knife.
You can stick your fingers in
the peanut butter and jelly jars and
Avoid The Hassle Of Bread.
You can eat steak and chicken,
without lima beans or salad.
You can waller around all day
just wearing your undershorts.
You can blow your nose
directly into the trashcan and
Avoid The Hassle Of Kleenex.
You Can Leave Stuff Like
Envelopes, Bucknives, Lightbulbs,
Paper Towels, Cassettes, Wirecutters,
Empty Big Red Bottles,
Marks-A-Lots, Duct Tape,
And Nestle's Quick Cans
Sitting Around Everywhere
For Years On End.
No one frowns on what you do,
cuz you're the only one there.
You can get along with yourself
and never even be bugged by
the 1000's of little things you do,
like throw empty toilet paper rolls
on the floor until they pile up,
or let the dishes go until
every single last one is filthy
with old food stuck on,
or wait three or four months
to vacuum the carpet so there's
a fine layer of gravel and food crumbs
next to the bed.
You can watch any T.V. show you like,
or even watch several at once by
switching back and forth between
channels without bothering anybody.
You can eat wildly mismatched
items for dinner like
Rice Crispies, Leftover Lasagna,
And Super Old Peach Ice Cream.
You can come home from work
and drink BEER instead.
When you live with a woman,
lots of times you have to watch
real mushy shows on T.V.,
when you're a bachelor, you can watch news,
football, or car races any time you like.
You can receive phone calls from anybody
without any danger of ever-present
eavesdropping followed by sly interrogation.
You don't have to make up your bed
all the way in the morning,
you can just flop the covers
up by the pillows and make the bed later,
right before any girls come over.
You don't have to brush your teeth
until girls come over.
You don't have to shave or comb your hair
until girls come over.
You can leave dirty t-shirts
on the couch in the living room for weeks,
or until girls come over.
When GIRLS COME OVER,
all the FREEDOM has to
CHANGE into RESPONSIBILITY.
CHAOS MUST BECOME
PRISTINE ORDER.
Bachelors know this is
absolutely necessary.
NO MAN wants a woman who
TOLERATES the bachelor lifestyle.
THINK WHAT A SLOB SHE WOULD BE!