its late at nite and I can’t sleep again. damn!
this time I keep having nightmares about a midget with a hatchet
one of my neighbors was saying last nite his wife saw what looked like a midget with a hatchet traipsing around in the creek bed
she said it had a frock of white hair and feet like a goat.
holy shit! that’s all this neighborhood needs, a crazy old lady with too much imagination.
well, just to prove the old bag wrong, I went back there to look around, and down by the stagnant pond, I found some sangwich wrappers. I looked some more and, guess what! inside the old drainpipe I found...you got it, a bunch of skulls and bones, probably dogs or cats or whatever, also, in the mud, there were footprints made with a split-hoof, and a bunch of trees had hack marks on ‘em.
I got back home, I was falling asleep, suddenly, like in a dream, I was being pursued by the cops, so I ducked into the woods to escape the flashing lights, but they caught me anyway, I wheeled around, and let fly with some serious blade work...
WHACK!WHACK!WHACK!
they tried to run, but for some reason I could run along precipices & ledges with amazing dexterity, easily overtaking them, with my white hair blowing in the wind, and my trusty blade, cutting the proverbial mustard... then, I wake up, ah, well, was it all just a e-mails pissed off at Dr. Popeye X come flowing out of his skull...
What else could I do? I swung my blade with all the push I could muster, and chopped the whole head off, which tumbled into a trashcan, taking all the complaints with it. Then, I woke up, and realized there was no midget after all, it was just the Sally Jesse Raphael Show on the TV, blaring into my ear, and polluting my dream... I hate that shit.
I thought I was making it up, but really its been controlling me all along... So, I doze off... and soon I'm right back at the same conflict, except the cops are chasing me and I'm covered with lots of blood... other people's blood.... my head is pounding with a piercing migrane headache, and the pulses are in sync with an irritating sound... and as I awake again, I realize that pain is directly synchronized to Sally Jesse's voice coming out of the TV...
I dove with all my might, and swung my Camping Hatchet squarely into Sally Jesse's forehead, causing my TV picture tube to implode, and releasing 25,000 volts into my metal hatchet... ZAP!!! There was a blinding blue flash, followed by what looked like a murky, underwater puppetshow with really long control strings....
and I swear, up from the deep comes a midget frogman with a really large hatchet,
so I get up as quick as I can, because I know its my dream, and if I wake up fast enough, I can cancel the rest of the dream... so, I stand up, but its too late, I fall back asleep as the midget slams a steel hatchet into the top of my left foot... which scares the shit out of me, and that wakes me up...
and I realize Sally Jesse Raphael has been screaming in my ear the whole time!

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